Terrible writing, meant to impress the viewers.

It’s that time again. it seems like there’s some sort of internal clock in my head that keeps perfect time and communicates through my loins and heart, and then finally decides that it’s over. one day we’ll be very happy and the next my heart will just shut off and from that point on every move is well calculated to help bring an end to the relationship. and if you ask me, i have no idea why.

Hi There, Are you about to complain about women?


Do you mind if we interrupt and record this for a segment in our documentary TV show?

I guess, but it’s kind of hard to say… I don’t want to reveal the secrets of my inner workings so that future women I try to court who have seen your documentary know all the terrible things I will do and think about them

I see, well, I give you my word that they won’t see it

In effort of saving je time in creating bogus plot lines for using artificial characters to talk about his own struggles I will concede and ask this thinly veiled plot element that is more fitting of pornography than a blog and continue in my melodramatic soliloquy on the antagonizing effects of females.

Sounds good to me, nameless voice!

it’s very difficult to reason with myself during this time, because my head says, “Hey dude, she’s pretty awesome, we never fight and she’s just so bright.” But that just isn’t enough anymore.

Have you tried to think about what was missing?

Obviously I’ve tried to figure out what some obscure part of me that i don’t realize is thinking is thinking about wanting but not knowing this is rather inherent in the problem. i have begun to hypothesize about what could be the cause based on what’s different about them and me or what’s the same between them, but it’s been a very futile task.

What about some broad strokes? Any ideas?

I do have one lead actually. I have a big ego, and because of that big ego I think that I am very ambitious and talented. I have high hopes for myself and I hold myself to a high standard, that is at least if you listen to me tell the story – which you are. So, anyways, I was thinking that, “Hey! None of these girls you hang out with are ambitious at all!”

Are you sure they’re not ambitious, or is it just that they aspire to something that you’re not interested in?

Ah Ha! Think you can trick me like that, obviously I don’t think they are ambitious because I just said so, but I agree that there is a slight possibility that I am wrong and am actually just expecting others to fulfill my dreams rather than their own, but for some reason I doubt this – as you will soon see. So, I actually asked myself the same question, only I phrased it a little bit differently, “What do these girls appear to be aspiring for, if anything?”

And the answer?

Art School! Every single girl wants to go to art school. It amazes me that out of all the many beautiful, intelligent women I meet, every single one (well, actually not every one, but a very high percentage,) wants to be an artist. And most of these girls don’t actually do art of any kind, they must think that they will just pick it up once they get there. Now I am not an artist of the traditional nature, but I presume it’s not like poker, you don’t just pick up a life long interest and commitment to it once you’re out of high school.

So are you saying everybody who goes to art school is Not Cool(tm)?

No of course, just the girls I know….

And we’re out of time! Next week on “Boys Born With Silver Spoons Attached to Their Mouths Complaining About the Beautiful Women They Have The Time And Money to See”, we’ll be talking to Hollywood actor who says that all the models he dates are too skinny!

I am a whiner. Shoot me.

I’ve just got home from seeing ”how to deal” with mandy moore, i didn’t actually go WITH her but she is in the movie. so it’s a cutesy doutesy movie about girls and boys and it has some sad bits. i really liked the movie because i’m actually a girl raised a boy and obviously only a girl would like such a movie because i’m such a pigheaded male. so this movie got me thinking about a few things.

firstly, this movie happens to people who are in high school, juniors to be exact if my note taking was at all accurate. i am not in high school anymore. this movie is about people falling in love and being happy, but sad at some points too. (the flaming lips are actually played in the movie, ”don’t you realize, that happiness, can make you cry?”) so these two things put together brings me to my thought: if i’m not in high school anymore will i ever be able to fall in love like that? this really upsets me. although i can just look at other movies where the people are supposed to be in college and that makes me feel better. _because obviously life imitates the movies and nothing that happens in life hasn’t happened in a movie.

secondly, i thought about how i’m weird at relationships. mandy’s character in the movie doesn’t want to have feelings for anyone because she doesn’t want to give them the opportunity to hurt her — so she wants to *make out* with people but not have feelings for them, and by people i mean the boy in the movie. i on the other hand, don’t want to make out with people because i don’t want them to get hurt if i stop making out with them. or something like that.

i thought about how i’m so typical and i only want what i can’t have. i thought about how i really like the phrasology “suck at.” and how i suck at lots. i thought about talking to people in song quotes or referring to them while talking. is that bad? it’s kind a little bit. although probably only when they are bad lyrics.

one more thought actually. when i was in my younger waste, i would often go “party”, i guess you would say, in this one part of mass. it doesn’t really matter where, but at one point i found this really pretty lake in the middle of the woods. it was really really smooth, _like glass_, and i thought it was great. it was big so you could the reflection of the moon, and there were lots of rocks for skipping. ever since then i’ve been trying to find the right girl to bring there and show it to her. i have lots of secrets i want to share, <cliche>i just don’t want to get hurt</cliche>, so i don’t tell anyone yet or find someone to tell.

the purpose of this post is too look like i’m a broken hearted sap who _really cares_ unlike most of the other guys so that you’ll want to be the one i should fall in love with because i’m lame like that. the secondary purpose of this post is to write like i did when i was 11.

”they’re playing our song on the radio, do you have to go? i know you really love this rock and roll”