Sometimes Britt likes to get advice.#

it was good to talk to somebody who a. knows well that of which they speak, b. is far enough removed to be able to see fairly clearly, and c. has a really solid idea of where I'm coming from and who I am. it felt relevant and helpful, even though we didn't break any new ground. I felt good for being able to ask somebody for advice in the first place. I felt good for being honest about feeling confused, scared, and self-defeating in a way that, now that I think about it, I seldom really am. I felt really good for being able to talk to somebody I consider intellegent and mature in a fitting manner without the getting worked up or shut-down the way I often do when topics turn to my academic career.

Erin Judge posts a funny email forward.#

Five tips for a woman....

1. It is important that a man helps you around the house and has a job.
2. It is important that a man makes you laugh.
3. It is important to find a man you can count on and doesn't lie to you.
4. It is important that a man loves you and spoils you.
5. It is important that these four men don't know each other.

Michael Feldman posts a genius list of tips for women. (They're all label "1" on purpose.)#

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

Lance Arthur writes about straight friends who ask about how or why he's gay and being gay in general. I love Lance.#

But this is the central problem at the moment with the country's mood. Everyone is mad at us for behaving like we're supposed to. All men are pigs, if you weren't already aware of that. All men like sex. Some men like sex more than others, some men like sex all the time, but all men like sex. Even Republicans.

[...]

All true, I'm afraid. Hell, I bet you're feeling more gay right now. "What? You mean I can just go have sex all the time with anyone?" "Well, sure, but they have to be the same sex as you." "Oh, that's a problem." "And you should probably be hot in some manner." "Hot?" "Yes, like hung or muscled or have a great smile and beautiful eyes. You don't expect to be humping yourself dry every day and look average, do you?" "Well, I guess..." "And also? Young. You should be young, the younger the better. Or at least look young. So spend a lot of money on clothes and the gym and toiletries, particularly facial moisturizers." "How much money?" "All of it."

Sxxy links to Playboy Bloopers.#

This is a directory of bloopers from Playboy magazine shoots. Photos that capture the goofy faces and yawns of some of the most beautiful women in the world. It's strange to look at because they don't look so unatainable with their tongue hanging out.

Obviously not work safe in a sex-hostile work place.

Tony Pierce is a lover, but sometimes he fights.#

my man welch asks me why i dont ignore the teens who want to fight with me and i tell him i do. then when i do some say no fair why arent you fighting and others say no fair why are you ignoring and some say... and you know what f what some say. since when have i ever cared what people say? but i suppose i do care what certain some say, not other some, not that im trying to be cold and calous and mean, but whatever. whatever. WHATEVER. i want to be like anti. anti doesnt care. whats his word. pffft. they told him he was too dangerous for the xbi and they gave him back his knife and escorted him out of the building. i told them to take it easy on him that if he did anything funny i would shoot him my own damn self and they overheard me i think esp no i wouldnt, chill and followed us both to the garage.

Lance Arthur posts amazing dating advice.#

If you end up at his place, Advantage: You. That means leaving is at your discretion and you can use any excuse you want. "Oh, my God, I just remembered! My cat is on fire! I have to skedaddle." If, however, the deed has been done in your abode, your choices suddenly become quite limited—unless, as has been mentioned, you don't give a damn about ever seeing him again, in which case feel free to scream at him at the top of your lungs, "Get out! Get out! You offend me!" and toss him and his clothes to the curb, locking the door behind him. Who gives a shit if he thinks you're insane? You never want to smell that lad again, anyway.

Date Two is likely to involve some romantic and/or sexual activity. This is practically a guarantee. Whether or not you throw down in Date One, Date Two is about exploring the carnal compatibilities, i.e. Can he or she kiss well? Be prepared. [...]

Most important of all, brush and floss your teeth. If nothing else occurs, you will be kissed. If you have a tongue scraper, use it. Use everything. Make your mouth like a minty fresh garden of Eden that anyone's mom would be pleased to French. This will go a long way to endear you to the object of your current attention.

Fabio Rojas writes about John Gottman's book, The Mathematics of Marriage, and how his work on relationships can be applied to politics.#

What I find interesting is the implication for thinking about politics. Let's assume that political order is a sort of "marriage" between state and citizen. At least from the perspective of the citizen, it's a relationship that can be broken, if warranted. [...]

Gottman's approach to studying relationships offers a useful way to think about these issues. Gottman's point is that there may be varying sources of the emotions that destroy marriages, but the road to divorce usually starts in the same place - once spouses have learned certain interaction strategies, they create hard to change feedback loops. Similarly, governments and populations that learn certain strategies for interacting with each other probably set up hard to break cycles leading to long term stability or perpetual crisis. The nice thing about Gottman's analysis of marriage is that the math predicts stability or decline, and not much in between - a non-trivial prediction. The same prediction for states is that states tend to be on a tough to change road to constant crisis (like in Africa and the Middle East) or stability (like in the US). Switches from one path to the other should be infrequent and difficult, which seems to describe the world pretty well.

Dean Esmay writes about women. I like women.#

Indeed, I have one recommendation for every male on the planet, one that I think each and every male needs to learn: When a woman is upset about something, and she is telling you why she is upset, do not make any suggestions about what she could do to fix her situation.

I mean it. Don't do it. If she's describing to you why she's upset, about almost anything, never, never, never, never, never, never, NEVER give so much as the hint of a suggestion as to what she could do about it. Just listen, and nod, and tell her how that you can relate to how and why she's upset.

You're not being patronizing if you do this. You're just getting your head into the female psyche. Because if you make so much as one suggestion about what she could do to fix the situation, she will think you are an asshole.

Write it down, my man. This is how females work. Take it to the bank. It ought to be in the Bible: "Thou shalt not tell her how to fix it."

Whole marriages have been lost over men's inability to understand this, and respect it. The truth is that if you tell them how to fix whatever's bothering them, most of the time they'll hate you.

Ms. Lauren links to the Guardian on pornography.#

Psychotherapists Michael Thompson and Dan Kindlon, in their book Raising Cain: Protecting The Emotional Life Of Boys, suggest that objectification, for boys, starts early. "By adolescence, a boy wakes up most mornings with an erection. This can happen whether he is in a good or bad mood, whether it is a school day or a weekend ... Boys enjoy their own physical gadgetry. But the feeling isn't always, 'Look what I can do!' The feeling is often, 'Look what it can do!' - again, a reflection of the way a boy views his instrument of sexuality as just that: an object. What people might not realise when they justly criticise men for objectifying sex - viewing sex as something you do, rather than part of a relationship - is that the first experience of objectification of sexuality in a boy's life comes from his experience of his own body, having this penis that makes its own demands."

Richard links to Heartless Bitches International on Why "Nice Guys" are often such LOSERS.#

If you have one bad relationship after another, the only common denominator is YOU. Think about it.

What's wrong with Nice Guys? The biggest problem is that most Nice Guys (tm) are hideously insecure. They are so anxious to be liked and loved that they do things for other people to gain acceptance and attention, rather than for the simply pleasure of giving. You never know if a Nice Guy really likes you for who you are, or if he has glommed onto you out of desperation because you actually payed some kind of attention to him.

Tony Pierce loves women.#

you know why i like girls? cuz they seriously dont care what you look like. i love that. all they care about is your personality.

in a way theyre sorta like dogs. except dogs dont even care about your personality, the only things dogs care about is that you dont beat them and that you feed them.

republicans are even more loyal than dogs.

Flemming Funch writes about Cleve Backster, a scientist who studies plant/animal relations.#

Over 35 years of meticulous research, Cleve Backster has progressively undermined the notion of a universe comprised of discrete units. He has done for biology and psychology what quantum and standing wave concepts have done for physics. He has documented the connectedness of all life forms and the interactivity of their consciousness. In the light of his work, no rational scientist can any longer deny that the living foods upon which we depend anticipate our actions by perceiving our spontaneous intentions. No medical researcher, sports trainer, or psychologist can ignore the evidence that our thoughts influence the activity of our cells, and, thus, the performance of our bodies. His research has given credence to many theories of mind body reciprocity, as in "inner tennis", use of psychic energy or prayer in distant healing, telepathy, dowsing and other thought-matter interactions.

And Flemming describes an experiment:

So, now, for the simple and interesting experiments. You attach the clips to some plant you have standing around the house. Any plant will do, but a big leafy thing would be good. The meter will just show the needle standing rather still. If you cut off a leaf of the plant, the needle will give a sizable reaction. Not very surprising. But the surprising part is that if you take your scissor and approach the plant, intending to cut a leaf off of it, it will also react in a similar fashion, without you having touched it. It seems to react to your intention somehow. Likewise if you have several plants, maybe of the same kind. Put them in different rooms, to rule out that they can, eh, see each other. Attach the meter to one of them and have somebody watch it. Then go to the other plant and either treaten to cut one of its leaves off, or actually do so. Either way, the plant in the first room will react as if it was happening to itself.

Brittney wrote letters to all her pets over the years.#

One to Abby,

Also, that was the best thing ever when you came back to life. You disappeared for two whole days and my sister was wrecked. (Technically you are her cat, but we lived together for like, 7 years, and you watched me bathe a bunch. So you are partially mine, too.) Then our aunt called and said she'd seen you flattened on the highway. She could tell it was you from your distinctive, squirrel-like tail. My sister had to call in to work she was so destroyed. Mom and the stepdad went and scraped you up off the road and had a little serivce and burial for you in the yard. They say it's important to see the body one last time in order to grieve properly. Everyone was a mess for the rest of the evenin until you showed up the next morning, pretty as you please, at the back door. Whining.

Dean Esmay writes about the world of online dating.#

Online dating has one wonderful feature that normal dating doesn't usually have, by the way: you both know, up front, what you're looking for. You bypass that entire embarassing and uncomfortable dance: "Are you marriage-minded, do you want kids, are you just looking for a good time, are you just looking for a friend, will I look desperate if I reveal my true desires?" POP, you're right past all that bullcrap, and can concentrate on feeling out whether you've found the person you're looking for or not.

Wendy writes about ex-boyfriends and being treated well.#

I can't help but compare the old with the new. The new wins on so many counts that I wonder what ever possessed me to stay with B. What made me think that the way he treated me was OK, even great. Lack of experience, perhaps. Never having had a truly good boyfriend maybe (sorry you two - you know who you are and I love you now but there were severe issues back then, heh).

But now I look at what I have and am awestruck by what I have endured, by the contrast, and by the amazing man who shows me every day that I can be treated well, I should be treated well, that he will treat me well.

Richard replies to Alexander Payne who writes about the geek quest for the "geek girl."#

Alexander then dismisses the idea that geek guys should seek out only geek girls. I wonder if he would agree with the Seinfeldian idea that dating someone exactly like you is, while loads of fun at first, is something to be avoided rather than sought out. Seinfeld, after bumping in to the woman who had the same jokes as he did, same complaints as he did, same viewpoint on life as he did, started dating her and then, incongruously, proposed to marry her. She accepted, but then he came to realize that that "I can't be with someone like me: I hate myself! If anything I need to get the exact opposite of me!" While there's something to be said about looking for the exact opposite of yourself—are there any serious, progressively-minded black girls into that are into goth who are interested in a silly, fairly conservative white guys that wear t-shirts and jeans? (thought I'd try)—that bipolarity seems a little extreme. Probably better to argue for a complementary life-partner: someone who has some similar interests but also has their own interests which are not only new to you but that you are interested in learning about. Or someone that's red freaking hot.

Tony Pierce writes about the best kind of date.#

a hot chick is gonna spend the weekend with me. a vacation of sorts. a weekend excursion. im thinking about just having her get a bunch of food and beer and lock ourselves up in my guest house in the back and lock all the doors. and while she sleeps i'll write and while shes awake we will go through the tivo and just watch and watch and hold hands and watch her try on different outfits.

these are the things hemingway did, im pretty sure.

the drinking parts at least.

Lance Arthur links to I LOVE MEN.#

An unlucky patient went into surgery bearing the words "I love women" tattooed on his leg but when he came out it read "I love men".

A Video of the Trojan Games. (Not work safe if you work in an anti-sex atmosphere.)#

Jane writes about a jealousy, a corruption of love.#

and that is the source of jealousy: this terrible insecurity. that little voice inside which nags, "am i good enough? i can't possibly be. i don't want to be rejected, to be left for someone else. what if he should love someone else more than me? what if someone else is better than me?"

a tragic shame, to see women (and men - although today my subject is female, a reflection of myself) who are beautiful through and through react this way. it makes me terribly sad. i understand, i have been one. with every reason in the world to be secure, i have troubled myself about my flaws, i have obsessed over my behaviors and my appearance and my personality. insecurity like this destroys trust. it destroys love. ultimately i believe it may even destroy you.

Ryan McGee writes about Lost in Translation.#

Which leads us to the final transformation of the title of the movie. All of which seems to be leading to a May/December romance. And, in a way, the movie does lead to this conclusion, but not in the way you expect, but exactly in the way it should. Bob is leaving the hotel in a limo, after an awkward final encounter with Charlotte. But, as chance would have it, he sees her walking down the street, alone, a few minutes later in the car. He gets out of the car, walks to her, and spins her around. You brace for the kiss, but instead, he hugs her. And with both faces pressed against each other, he says something to her. What? You don't know.

And that's absolutely brilliant.

Possibly the best movie moment I've experienced in years. You hear that he is talking, but the way that the sound is mixed leaves his message muddled, leaving only her to hear what he has to say. Which is precisely the way it should be.

Lance Arthur continues his NYC story:#

Lance sits at the head of the table as the group recounts How I Spent My Christmas Vacation. Someone asks if anyone has seen any good movies lately. "I saw Cold Mountain in New York," Lance volunteers without thinking. "How was it?" someone asks. Heather and Judith immediately begin to laugh loud and long and clear as Lance's face turns pink and then red.

"Honestly," he says, his eyes slicing dangerous glares at the two women, "I don't remember."

Alex Tabarrok thinks again about Cads vs. Dads.#

Social psychologists have found that women prefer to have sex with a "Cad" when considering a brief affair but for longer term relationships they prefer "Dads." Leading Tyler to ask in an earlier post, Why do women like cads?

Patrick Vlaskovits, a reader, hypothesizes that Cads have better genes than Dads. Patrick writes:

Why is a Cad a Cad? I think it is because: He can be. His genes are so good, so much in demand, that women are willing to mate with him knowing that he might not stick around. Same reason why a Dad is a Dad. He knows if based solely on looks (proxy for gene competition), he will lose to the Cad every time. So, he must compensate for his lower quality genes by investing more resources in the female and offspring.

Joi Ito writes about obsession and addiction.#

I think that traffic is similar to attention. Attention is not the same as power or money, but it is sought after in the same way and in some ways is something that money can't buy and is actually more valuable and difficult to gain. Having said that, it's not about the traffic. Just like it's not about money, or attention. Money, attention and traffic do not, at the end of the day, make you happy. It is associated with privilege and power. I've met many people who have privilege and power (and money and attention and traffic) who are not happy.