Love, Lust, and Liquor

Sometimes Britt likes to get advice.

it was good to talk to somebody who a. knows well that of which they speak, b. is far enough removed to be able to see fairly clearly, and c. has a really solid idea of where I’m coming from and who I am. it felt relevant and helpful, even though we didn’t break any new ground. I felt good for being able to ask somebody for advice in the first place. I felt good for being honest about feeling confused, scared, and self-defeating in a way that, now that I think about it, I seldom really am. I felt really good for being able to talk to somebody I consider intellegent and mature in a fitting manner without the getting worked up or shut-down the way I often do when topics turn to my academic career.

Erin Judge posts a funny email forward.

Five tips for a woman….

  1. It is important that a man helps you around the house and has a job.
  2. It is important that a man makes you laugh.
  3. It is important to find a man you can count on and doesn’t lie to you.
  4. It is important that a man loves you and spoils you.
  5. It is important that these four men don’t know each other.

Michael Feldman posts a genius list of tips for women. (They’re all label “1″ on purpose.)

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. If you won’t dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

Lance Arthur writes about straight friends who ask about how or why he’s gay and being gay in general. I love Lance.

But this is the central problem at the moment with the country’s mood. Everyone is mad at us for behaving like we’re supposed to. All men are pigs, if you weren’t already aware of that. All men like sex. Some men like sex more than others, some men like sex all the time, but all men like sex. Even Republicans.

[...]

All true, I’m afraid. Hell, I bet you’re feeling more gay right now. “What? You mean I can just go have sex all the time with anyone?” “Well, sure, but they have to be the same sex as you.” “Oh, that’s a problem.” “And you should probably be hot in some manner.” “Hot?” “Yes, like hung or muscled or have a great smile and beautiful eyes. You don’t expect to be humping yourself dry every day and look average, do you?” “Well, I guess…” “And also? Young. You should be young, the younger the better. Or at least look young. So spend a lot of money on clothes and the gym and toiletries, particularly facial moisturizers.” “How much money?” “All of it.”