i just spent some time reading The Knowledge for Thirst and i picked out some of my favourite quotes from the archives.#

mango madness - ''OK, I just had Mango Madness. The visions I had of being lost in a sweet nightmare of fruit-related dementia were way more intense and complicated than the reality, but like when isn't that the case.'' - ''But you know what's good? Nantucket Nectars Orange-Mango. Comes in the half-gallon and is evidently their top-selling flavor, if I remember right. Nice and smooth, a delicate balance between sweet and tart. So, like, orange is the antipsychotic drug Stelazine that helps control — but not cure! — mango's madness. It's a triumph of modern medicine. ''#

soda machines - ''Actually getting the soda machine delivered was a total brou-ha-ha, however. It turned out that although my company had a contract with Coke, the company we were leasing the office space from had a contract with Pepsi. There were meetings, proposals, heated discussions, threatened walk-outs, the whole 9. The solution was a thing of beauty and a testament to the power of neutrally-arbitrated conflict resolution: we got a Pepsi machine that also dispensed Coke and Diet! $0.50/can, even. I loved the sight of that Pepsi guy, coming by every week with a dolly full of Coke. Talk about your roadmap for peace. If Coke and Pepsi can lay down their arms like that, certainly it's only a matter of time before the Berlin Wall crumbles and the Jews and Israelis embrace as brothers. ''#

spreachers#

I tried a Sprecher's Ravin' Cran-Cherry Ginseng Soda , and...I don't really know how to put this. I guess I blacked out in the middle or something, because I only remember bits and pieces of the experience.

I was in the convenience store, all jazzed about finding a soda I'd never heard of before. I was standing in the parking lot, guzzling it like liquid crack. I stopped suddenly, my brain all confused because the drink is thick like a cola, but cranberry? cherry? these flavors don't really even go together. There was this sudden disconnect where I wake from a dream like "Where I am? Why am I drinking this?" Then I realize that my tongue is all buzzing from the ginseng. (WHY is there ginseng in this drink? Did someone lose a bet?) Then I'm stumbling home, the half-empty bottle dangling from my fingertips, my stomach plotting an angry, violent rebellion. Then as I dizzily climb the steps to my front door I'm thinking: Holy crap I am one-hundred percent not as young as I used to be.

That's the last thing I remember.

That was two weeks ago.

soda fights - ''I intend no obloquy towards root beer lovers, so tenderly do I embrace the newness of living. But it kind of reminds me of a another group I feel no warmth towards: the people at restaurants who are all "I'll have a Coke!" and then the waiter says "Is Pepsi okay?" and the people are all "Eww gross no way I'll just have water." '' - ''Life is way to short. Why get all huffy about wanting Coke when there's only Pepsi, or wanting Pepsi when there's only Coke? How about cultivate an interest in a different flavor? There's lots! And how about not taking your corporate allegiances so seriously? '' - ''It's like a strange kind of proletarian elitism, where people feel embarrassed about the fact that they can't tell a Merlot from a Shiraz, and have to take it out on the kid working the counter at Burritoville. ''#

grocery strores - ''So I'm over at the freaking Super Shop 'n' Stop, which is now going to be my nearest grocery store, although I can't even call it a grocery store. It's more like a grocery community, maybe, or a grocery wonderland. It's huge and has 900 of everything. You can even check yourself out, and I don't mean like, "Well hell- osexy man in the mirror!" but like scan your own stuff and pay and all with a touch-screen. I think the point is if you're buying embarrassing stuff you can just keep it between you and the computer and not have to deal with the clerk's totally judgmental looks. ''#

(from the same) - ''I was thinking about the whole Coke v. Pepsi debate and what struck me was how clearly second-class Pepsi is. Just ignoring the issue of flavor, Pepsi has always been in second place and it really just doesn't have the credibility that Coke has. Like, you can order a Jack and Coke in a bar and hold your head high, but you order a Jack and Pepsi and all of a sudden you're total white trash. I think Pepsi needs to class up its graphic design a little, maybe give itself a more old-fashioned look. Maybe that could turn the tide. ''#

smoothie shops#

The Juice Guys Store had smoothies down to an absolute science. I'm talking they were on some next-level MIT Media Lab type shit. The menu had a few recipe suggestions on it, but basically they encouraged you to just throw whatever ideas you had at them. They did not care. Mix it up however you like, they would hook you up. They practically dared you.

You're like: "I want papayas and kiwis and mangos, plus apple juice and vanilla yogurt, and turbinado, and wheat grass." They're like: "Pal you are boring me to tears here."

One time I was all: "I demand peaches bathed in mango juice. Strawberries and limes. Soy protein and skim milk, no ice. With a star fruit garnish. And I want it facing magnetic north."

And the girl was all: "If you can't run with the big dogs, you better stay on the porch with the puppies."